take care cher

A single woman's journey as a caregiver to an elderly parent, 5 dogs, a house….and most importantly myself

Resentment Is A Waste Of Time

on September 11, 2013
Mom & Me in Happier and Healthier Times

Mom & Me in Happier and Healthier Times

After over seven years with my Mom, who is a stroke and dementia victim, and also is losing her hearing and going blind from Macular Degeneration, I find myself feeling resentful sometimes that I took on the role of her caregiver.  I lose my temper over dumb things, like the 5th time she asks me the same question over dinner, or when she wants to know what I’m saying when I’m just talking to the dogs…or worse yet, myself, which I do A LOT thank you very much!!  🙂   I get testy because she likes to ask me a question right after I leave the room and I’m on the other side of the house.   I get my panties in a twist because she wants to go to the grocery with me and sit in the car….meanwhile my $3.50/gallon gas is going bye bye because obviously I leave the car and the air running!  I get irritated when she blows her nose on my napkins at the dinner table and hoards toilet paper, napkins, kleenex, paper towels….you name it, and stuffs it in her walker!!  And ALL of this resentment about silly, petty things, makes me feel like a total BEYOTCH!!!

For all the caregivers of an elderly parent out there, you are NOT alone!  And the bottom line is, if you are with them of your own free will, and stuff starts to get to you, either re-examine your situation, or get over it and remind yourself WHY you’re there.  I have to do this daily, but in a nutshell, I’m there for a variety of reasons as follows:  I promised my Dad I would take care of her….I promised her I would never take her away from her home of 55 years….and the major reason I’m with her, is because I was fortunate enough to have exceptional parents that wiped my nose, mouth, & butt and put up with me charging clothes, make-up, you name it on their charge account without complaint, bought me a car when I probably didn’t deserve it, and paid for me to go to a school away from home and actually trusted me not to get seriously killed….or arrested!

But the most important reasons I’m with my Mom is, my parents were funny, kind, generous, big-hearted people that would give a stranger the shirt off their backs, and just about the finest people I’ve ever known.  But most importantly….a day has never gone by in my life that I doubted their love for me and that they would be there for me through thick and thin.  That being said, my living situation is the only one that allows me to look in the mirror and be able to live with myself.  Frankly, I don’t know how she puts up with my cranky self sometimes.  She can’t hear, see, or walk very well, so the days of piano playing, singing, crocheting, doing crossword puzzles, playing scrabble and gin rummy, sewing for me, and even being able to attend church and take away anything positive…those days are over.   Whoever thought of the term “Golden Years” was a delusional meth addict because that is a total crock!!!

All my Mom has is cranky old me and five dogs!!  So even if I go home tonight and am feeling less than social, I always, always, ALWAYS make a point to hug and kiss her when I walk in the door, because how can you not when she tells me she loves me the minute I walk in…she’s an angel.  I know everyone out there doesn’t have the same situation or the same wonderful memories, so analyze your feelings and situation, and do what’s best for both of you.  And if you’re anything like me, a HUMONGOUS glass of vino helps too!!   Enough for now, but next post I’m going to share some of the things I use that make her quality of life a little bit better.  It should be good for a few laughs!!!  I’d love to hear from y’all….till then.

Cher

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